im done searching...

-breathing and exhaling.. it feels good to be alive, AGAIN-

Friday, October 20, 2006

it really feels good to be alive, again! i don't literally mean i was dead, but somehow.. yup. i died! i was problematically overdosed and it kinda killed me though. good thing, i am again breathing. it's been quite long now since i started not telling people what's going on with my life. actually, i still do but just not publicized. oh well, i believe only few take a peek on my journal. so why waste time type all the shit that bother me this past couple of months. there's really nothing in particular. i have been in a very melancholic mood. that's it. oh, i was really busying myself with lots of irrelevant things. you know, something that can occupy my time hoping i can make them relevant! haha.. so, ive been working on my unrecognizable identity problem. perhaps, only a few people have known i was undergoing this type of identity crisis. haha! actually, i just thought that everything's delayed for me. ok, so much about it. in the mean time, ill just let you know what are the things i wished for my birthday.

- a puppy. a pomeranian or shitzu
-a new fone. one of the nokia's n series fones
-a hundred thousand bucks will do.
- a trip out of town with my closest friends
-a laptop. most probably, an apple laptop
-a new boylet. haha!
-a day with the whole family. miss u guys!
-a charity work on my birthday.
-5 kilos decreased in weight!

that's all. can someone grant this for me? Thank you very much.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


having to wake up early everyday before the sun rises pisses me off! actually, my schedule for this term kinda irritates me. im not really more of a morning person. well, i dont wake up minutes before lunch but at least i get up from the bed after the sun sets in the east. im too lazy for morning stuffs.

this day, i stumble out from the bed around 6:30 and my class starts actually at 7. so ive got 30 minutes to do everything. i have no time to lift a spoon for my breakfast or even blow a word out of my mouth. i impetously poured water on me and didnt care to do my rituals just to be at school exactly on time. i didnt even bother to choose which clothes match my mood, i just pick whatever's there. i came to school almost 10 minutes early but still, i was late. anyway, i didnt matter.
7-8 NATSCI13 - the teacher's so good that to her humaness, i did not pay attention.haha! all i remember is that i was seated next to a girl who kept smiling on me until the bell rang. and, i also discovered that our prof is only a part-timer in our school. i saw her running down the stairs as if a lion's running after her. then i realized, she's working else where.
8:10-9:10 COMSKI2X - i didnt attend my comski class. not because i dont have a homework but also i hate our new prof. he's gay! im not against the third sex! it's just that he thinks he doesn't belong to it and he's too gay to function.. from mean girls. also, my brain cells are not active during those times so i'd rather have some coffee somewhere else and of course, have my vitamin break.
9:20-11:20 PEONEF- the subject i swear to death. haha! for no reason at all, a stupid moron failed me on this subject. so give me one good reason to love this subject. but at least, that fucking bitch isnt my prof anymore. so, i think it's one enough reason to accept this subject again. i was late, as always. i wonder why in this class, i always come late on first meeting. okay, i wont waste time thinking too much bout it. im just a heavy-footed creature, that's all. i was isolated from the rest of my blockmates but it seemed nice to meet other creatures who were also nailed to this brain-sweating thing. our prof was way nicer that the one we had before. he's cool and sympathetic to students who don't like his subject. haha! i assume he hates what he teaches. our class is supposed to be dismissed on time but since none of us can hold off to each other's insensibility, he booted us 1hour before time. i love his nuttiness. mwah! but i must say, ive got the best P.E.mates ever. a lot of them are from mma. wahahahahaha. i have lots of apples to taste.
11:40-12:40 BMATX- business math. i have one thing more to hate for the rest of this term. i hate math. im bad at math and anything that has to do with math and logical thinking and calculations and numbers. i just hate it. it wont do me any good at all. im being so irrational but that's the truth. as we get old, we get wiser. probably not at math but we still get wiser. and soon, we'll forget everything about math so why study it if will only banish from our mind. it only adds up to the excess and non-functional things on our brain. ill stop here. im not in the mood.
dismissal- have i told you that for the rest of the term, i'll be suffering from halfday syndrome? yep.. im suffering from 5:30am syndrome and still suffer from half-day syndrome. this disorder that im experiencing will last for not more than 4 months. not to mention that i have encoutered this since nursery up to grade three and also during periodical tests and other school-related activities way, way back before. i guess im back to the old things again. wink*

gosh, im trying to cope up with everything. from my schedule to my school allowance. but i really can't! i have become an idle person since... i can't remember but im afraid i cant stop it. i need something to keep me on track but shit always happen. i cant keep an eye on things i usually care about eversince i changed. i had a word vomit. i did change. as much as i want to be the same person people knew from the start, i just cant. i have to accept it. i have no idea what led me to being a ridiculous, imbecile human being and im having a hard time figuring out what made me like this. for now, i just dont want to involve myself on anything. in that way, i wont get hurt. ill just let things pass through me without giving too much stress. everything's ruptured! mom! come back!

Monday, August 28, 2006

what the f*%$@^!!! 1st round is over..

can't believe that it's been 4 months since i entered college. finally, im all grown-up na nga talaga. i do stuffs now that only grown-ups do. ooops! i mean not all pla, certain things lang. haha! im definitely happy with how my life is going now. anyway, as i was saying, i absolutely enjoy everything now. i found new bestfriends , i found new boyfriends haha.. of course, i live with my BESTFRIEND, i still see my hs friends.. only one thing is missing! but it's one thing that's not to be sad about. i should still look on the brighter side of everything. "madami pang isda sa dagat". so there, first term is over! almost over.. i'll surely miss my professors! i still have 4 months left para makasama ung buong block and gosh, im so afraid na ma-deblock kme.. i hope na with these 4 months, everything will turn out to be fun. more moments with the block and with my superfriends.. higher grades, less absences, and a new "BOYTOY" so here's my message to everyone. please read!!

1. SUZZY- bebe, anu ba? grabe.. i never thought we'd be this close. haha! pati c ka beng naka-close mo na rin and all the fishes in the ocean. anyway, love ko 'tong si suzzy. kala ko nung una suplada 'to pero nung naka-bonding ko na eh first impression remained as first impression lang talaga. super thank you for being so nice to me pero mapagpanggap ka eh, baka pinaplastic mo lang ako eh.. hehe! ndi yan, suzzy pa.. eun, see you girl next term.. love yah! im always here,sa condo,sa mcdo,sa um,sa chowking,sa starbucks.. ill be around.. i must stick witu bebe.. muah! lots love!

2. REINE- sweetie, "Good morning sunshine!" ayan, i know na what it means. girl, la lng.. parang like suzzy, kayo tlga ung nakakausap ko pag sa mga girl thing ekek and napaka-understanding nyo sken. haha! tnx for a term of good and sweet memories. hope you will not change kc ur my baby eh.. and i dont want to see my baby growing up and having boyfriends,ok? haha! paligaw lng.. "collect and collect and collect. then select them all." haha.. that's our motto. im here lng always, lam ko nman kc para kang kabute kung sumulpot! eun.. love you po! muah2.
3.EUNIZ- NANAY! oi takte ka, lenchak 'tong babaeng 'to.. anyway, sa lahat ng girls, kay eunice una ako na-intimidate coz she's really hot! e nakanang.... hot ba un? parang lalake pero ndi, NANAY 'to. eun, tnx po general ah.. naku,ang dakilang GUDANG nmen. haha! eun, basta, kita2 tau tsong sa 2nd term. puta, pahirapang adjustment ata taung dalawa eh.. haha basta, next term, bawal absent sa gimik. tandaan mo 'to mare.. "EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE, MAKES MAN HEALTHY WEALTHY AND WISE" oh ayan, basta.. mahal kita kahit alam kong tibo ka tlga sken. haha! kitakits sa 2nd term and sa sept.4-7 bwahaha
-to be continued- la ng time...
luvu all!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

QUOTES: love is sweeter the second time around...

This one's great..
Just read this!

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the

imagination and bottling the common sense.
--Helen Rowland
Love teaches even asses to dance.
--French Proverb
And if you ask me what I see in him.
I will say...You know I really have no idea.
And that's the truth. But whatever it is that I don't know
my heart does and that's amazing.
They say it's hard to let go but it's even harder to give
someone a second chance when the first time they
murdered your heart.
No matter how much you love someone you have to draw
a line to how much you will put up with and how long
you are going to hold on when everyone else is telling you
to let go.
And I finally realized I could care less about what other people
think about me because I'm with you, and all I truly care about is
the fact that I'm head over heals in love with you.
When we were layin on the couch and we were holding hands
and my head was on your chest and I was listening to your heartbeat
I couldn't help but wonder if it was as perfect for you as it was for me.
And I finally figured out how very wrong I was. And how very much I
am in love with and I swear no matter what you have done or what
you will do in the future I swear to love you and for as long as I
possibly can, I will love you with all
my heart.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

FOR THE RECOR D...gosh!so sick of this!

just when i thought everything ive dremt of was exactly falling into place, like there's nothing more i could wish for and when everything i've ever imagined was starting to be real..that a kind of crap like this one happened. i really felt like heaven and earth joined their forces to squeeze me to the point that my bones were falling like a debris. like my heart has been pounded by a millions of tons of whatever it is. i dont know what exactly to say or if there's still anything to say. i wanted to scream, to yell and to shout to the whole world how foolish i am for letting him do this to me but it seems that i'm running out of words to say.all because i've let it all out by crying! no one except for my bestfriend knows exactly how i feel. she's seen me go through this before and here i am again. someone told me that it's not the love that i'm holding on to, it's the hope that one day, he'll change for me. everything is just a cycle. i'll love, then i'll get hurt, i'll try to move on but never really let go. i don't know what made me like this. "for the record", i hate saying that! i hope the next time i'll say this, it's the time that for the record, i am literally and emotionally being loved. i hope in no time, i'll get over this. but for now, i'll try every possible way to get him off my head and live life as if nothing like this happened. screw love!

Friday, July 14, 2006

a week called LIFE.

this pic really looks great. of course, great people are in here..haha! anyway, i missed these guys. these 2 guys here will be always be the men of my life, yeah..with pops too. speaking of men, he's (my honey) also included! just want you to know how lucky i am to have brothers like them. they are the ones who rock my world., enough to say that the world is such a big dump of shit without them. although we fight a lot, we argue over little things, we destroy each other's face (kidding!) we still love each other so much.. i already served the proofs! so i'm going back home tomorrow and again live each day of my life miles away from them but my short stay here made me realize how short life could be. that i should give importance to the people i love so much and love me too and treasure every second i spend with them.. like the sun's never gonna shine again after the rain had poured. wherever i go, it still feels like i'm home whenever i'm with them. it just scares me when i picture myself again sleeping and waking up without the high intensity of my mom's voice banging around the walls of the house, the shouting between my brothers that has become a pleasure to my ears and the never-ending corny jokes of my dad. jeez, it will never be a life for me! i love them so much..